I had tried everything from the patch, to e cigarettes, the gum etc. Nothing had worked. Somehow this did.
Let me give you a little background to my smoking history.
When I was a teenager, a friend came over and exclaimed that my house smelt like a cinema. I was baffled until I realized he was not speaking about a popcorn smell, but cigarette smoke. I could not have cared less, growing up smoking was part of the household. My mother, father, brother and grandmother smoked. Ashtrays were party of our crockery. I knew each brand and what each person smoked.
Benson and Hedges Special Filter
Benson and Hedges Lights
Du Maurier Menthol
When I joined the smoking club, my mother had quit and so had my father. Early morning I would go to the corner and buy a single cigarette and ease into my day.
When I turned 19 and came home, I was an overt chimney. The guy I was dating was demonstrably displeased, which had no effect and prompted the response of “You don’t like it? Sorry about that” while lighting another one. My girlfriend who is a pharmacist tried to discourage me by telling me I would put on weight. I ignored her… Models smoke to curb their appetite, No? Fast forward some years. Soon I was accustomed to heckling when i took a break in between shifts to light up on the sidewalk with a cup of coffee. The lines bounced off me. “You’re too pretty to smoke!” or the recurring “Don’t you love yourself?” Sometimes depending on the frame of mind I was in a smart retort would be thrown back, especially when they became too persistent.
Fast forward again. Both parents smoke free, brother and wife smoke free and grandmother passed away to a smoking related illness (may she RIP). Yes I was still smoking. Chest pain and shortness of breath from twenty six years old and no sign of quitting. Ignorant much? Extremely so.
Last month, I don’t know what overcame me. Prayers I am sure played a major role. I just decided that was it without giving myself time to doubt. I glued myself to YouTube and watched all the smoking videos, I printed out some pictures and placed them in a diary, and listed all the benefits of quitting in a timeline. It worked.
Today I can breathe fully. I can actually run without feeling as though my lungs are about to burst yet be knotted at the same time. Sometimes I do have a craving, now maybe once every 2-3 weeks if so much.
But the most beautiful thing of all is now I realise, I love myself, and before I did not.