I miss you. I wish you were still here. I cannot lie and say I have fully accepted that in a few days it will be one year since you left. For the first time in my life, I understand that time is relative. Never has a year been so quick yet so slow. Never have I had so many experiences yet felt nothing at all.
I think in many ways I am very lucky to have had you as a father. I am blessed to say that we really had nothing left that was unsaid. I was actually one of the people you did not have the last conversation with, and now I understand why.
Because you said it, and at the time I refused to actually hear it. That you knew I was going to be fine.
You had faith in me before I even had faith in myself.
You knew one day I would wake up and realize my worth, and that nothing you had ever done was in vain.
I want to thank you for protecting me, and thank you for staying silent.
Thank you for not killing some of, if not all of my boyfriends, as I know fully well that you thought about it OFTEN!
Thank you for letting me make my mistakes. They have made me and continue to make me who I am.
Thank you for really knowing me, though many times you were a man of few words, that had no effect on the bond we shared.
Thank you for our last heart to heart as father and daughter, as we were driving into Port of Spain. I know you are looking over me, knowing I will soon fulfill that final piece of advice you gave to me.
Thank you for being imperfect.
Thank you for showing me what a true gentleman does. Thank you for showing me what I can expect of a man.
Thank you for being an example of true love.
Thank you for being the one man in the world who honestly told me I was beautiful, and I knew you meant it, because you had nothing to gain.
Thank you for that note you wrote that I found after you died.
I was going through a dark time and wrote many things I disliked of myself, my sadness and my lack of self-love.
You wrote over it,
I LOVE YOU!YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL (in caps)!
I wonder if you knew- that years later, at 30 years old, that would change my life and fold me into a heap of tears.
Thank you for giving me hope.
I love you,